random

Just running in really quick to say things are starting to look up. I have a new job that I start soon, where I will be working from home, so that means I will have more time to blog and more things to blog about as I start my journey to being a semi-housewife, and the steps I take to putting my house in order and maintaining my house. I am so EXCITED!!!!

prayer

I usually would never make my conversations with God public but since I know no one reads this blog but me, I'm just gonna let it all out in print.

God,
sigh.... I don;t know what to do. It seems like I am always doing something wrong and Just can't get it right. I feel like I'm a failure. There's really only two things I ever wanted in life and it looks like I am going to lose one of them and never have the other. I'm so tired of being wrong, and being made to feel the way that I do. I'm tired of not being accepted for who I am, and trying so hard to help others and being considerate of their feelings when nobody cares about me, how I feel, and what might be doing on inside of me. No one softens their words in order to not hurt my feelings, no one cares about how something may affect me, only about how it affects them. Just because I try to talk around with a smile on my face and be happy all the time, don't people know I hurt too? Don't they care? Why can't they see my tears or feel my pain? Why can't they give me the same consideration I give them? I know I mess up sometimes, all people do but can I get a little compassion? I'm just tired Lord. I don't know what to do, I don't know how you want me to handle this. Honestly I don't know why you want me. I AM A FAILURE. A big sorry mess. I am not anything and I won't ever be anything. Honestly I think you are wasting your time on me. There are many others out there more deserving of you than me. I'm tired of crying. One day I want to get it right, but I don't know how. Maybe I should just leave. everyone would probably be better off without me. Is this what depression feels like? If so, I'm never too far away from it. Even in the happy times, I know pain is always lurking around the corner. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And you know what? It always does.
Father I'm not trying to have a pity party, as I have been accused of doing. I just want someone to vent to, because I have no one else. No one else wants to listen or care. I am totally and utterly alone.

random

sigh.........I'm soooooo tired. :(
I hopefully will have some news to share with you all by the beginning of the week.
that's all for now.....

Goals

I’m gonna detour from my planned posting and talk about my goals. I want to put down my goals for August so that at the end of the month I can look back and see what I accomplished and what I need to add to my goals September.

Spiritually

• Get my prayer time in daily (whether alone, or with D)
• There are other things that I am working on spiritually, but I would have to explain the whole story behind each one, and I’m not ready to get that personal with you all yet. Sorry L

Marriage

• We really need some time to connect and enjoy either other. I’m trying to think of small inexpensive getaways, even if we don’t take any this month, I want to at least plan them out for next month.
• I want to decide on our anniversary cruise, and get all the total costs together
• Work on communication! (I have a bad habit of telling little white lies. I’ve been doing it all my life and I really want to change this)

Financially

• We can’t really save any money this month due to the fact that we are aggressively paying off some bills, but we should have one big bill paid off this month and half of two smaller but important bills paid off.
• Restart couponing

Domestically

• Continue organizing the house
• Get our canvas photo ordered and hang up other pictures around the house
• Try at least 5 new recipes this month
• Go to the farmers market for the first time, and buy fresh produce

Physically

• Clear up my skin by drinking at least 2 bottles of water a day, washing my face at night (I’m really bad at this)
• Limiting the use of foundation
• Completely healing and getting the color back in my fingers (I bite my fingers when I’m stressed. Strange I know)
• Losing 10 pounds
• Getting 8 hours of sleep a night
• Getting my glasses and new contacts
• Taking contacts out at night (hopefully getting glasses will help with this)
• Continue to take care of my hair
• Do at home manicures and pedicures weekly, and change up the color each time

Career

• Find a better paying job
• Increase my typing speed